Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
