so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
