Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
