all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
