There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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