i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Green mimosas i think yes
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
