ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
