perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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