Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
