After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
