I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
