Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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