Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
