We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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