I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
