Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
