actually, I'm a sock model
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
