True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
