one two three fourrrrnication!
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize