There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
