When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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