Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So drunk its hurt
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
