I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
