When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
