dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Another day, another engagement, another cat
They took my balls.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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