just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
