I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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