It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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