I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
