I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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