im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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