I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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