I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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