Sponge bath it is.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
