I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
it's great music for shaving your balls
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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