he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
