dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
