Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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