I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
