Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
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