i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
