So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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