Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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