I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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