Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
