Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
