I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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