Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
