He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
