Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
