Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
