WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he shaved USA in his pubs
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he was CRYING into my vagina
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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