I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
