party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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