Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
