Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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