By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
As shirtless as possible
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
