Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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