That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
home. puking in laundry basket.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
