Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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