I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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