I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
