you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
