Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
