it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
