yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
